I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
