God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
