oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
