Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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