I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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