when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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