I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
