So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize