nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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