I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
