were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We need to get me chipped asap
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
