maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
