So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
