i was born a porn star she said
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
