i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
