Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
