ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
