just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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