I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
