Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
