I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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