You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
