Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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