just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
