i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize