We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
