She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
