How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
