So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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