Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
