and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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