i just google imaged poop.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
