so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
