I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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