you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
