That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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