i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm both gender and math confused
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
