sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
