she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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