I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
