if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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