oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
