I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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