her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
