just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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