found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
