If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
