the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My penis needs a shock collar
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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