You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
