hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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