The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
