I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
