I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize