Your tits are I can't wait for
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
