Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
