I wish my penis had an off switch
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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