:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
