Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
