he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
