i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
