a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its liver damage thursday
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
