I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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