my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
