The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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