there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
