She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
