I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
