And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize