The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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