for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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