If i come over, it means nothing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
