I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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