so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
