Don't make out with my wife yet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
