walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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