She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
