i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
