didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize