i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
