Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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