i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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