I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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