im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
