my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
