I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
