you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I want her autograph on my taint
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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