Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We don't watch enough power rangers
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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