Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
