HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish you could order shots online.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
