He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
